How I Found My Way of Life: Part 4
This is still being edited, but I feel compelled to publish this. Feel free to comment if you see anything that needs editing.
I have since come to understand what the Quran means by “I make no distinction between the Creator’s prophets/messengers.” I also understand what Muhammad (PBUH) meant when he spoke against creating division.
In the Netflix series Travellers, people from the future “time travel” by projecting their consciousness into someone in the past, overwriting who they were in the moment just before they died. Since they couldn’t physically travel back, they found this loophole. The process replaced the person there. The problem is they need updates from the future, and that’s where children come in. Their minds are more “malleable” and can receive short instructions without hurting the child. They can convey messages from the future.
Blocked By Beliefs
As we age, we also lose our malleability, making receiving messages that will guide us harder. All books that lead to enlightenment encourage us to reflect, ponder, or meditate. This very act, inspired by the verses of the Quran, led me to an answer. Answers that opened me to more questions. At each stage of letting go of the ideas I thought were “sacred,” I grew. If you are new to letting go of something sacred, I speak to your creator and ask to be guided to the truth, no matter what that is.
I have asked for guidance lots of times, but the only answers I was ready to accept in the past aligned with my identity as a Muslim, overprotective father and a victim. When I asked for the true purpose of life at any cost, everything changed for the better. I didn’t impose any conditions except that our creator, please be gentle with me. I didn’t want a whirlwind of an experience. That’s likely my need for control, which is rooted in fear.
When we impose restrictions on the answers, we are willing to accept we are limited in the help we can be given. It’s like we are telling our creator if the guidance you give me doesn’t align with these principles, I will reject it. What if some of your principles are wrong? I started by asking my creator to guide me “No matter the cost” to our true purpose here. I am more afraid of dying without finding the truth than I am of what it may cost me. I soon realized I wasn’t putting my creator’s opinions first in what I was shown. Instead, I put the ideas I knew about a prophet named Muhammad and the current version of the Quran in that first position. If I was reading a book called “A Guide to Life” AND the author was my roommate, why didn’t I talk to the author? Instead, I spoke to “holy” men to guide me or searched online for what other people had to say. It seems obvious in hindsight. If you believe your creator is always present and wants what’s best for you, you must ask your creator before you go off on your fact-finding journey.
I experienced life-changing growth that fundamentally shook my beliefs to their core. I had to face the fear of having different beliefs from those around me, including my wife. Every time I hesitated to accept what I now knew to be true, I asked myself, “Who do I truly follow? My beliefs or my creator?” I had to release much of what I thought made me. In that “loss” became a space for growth and understanding. I was making space for our Creator, who showed me that I was making space for me. It’s like a dad who asks you to tell someone else to move over to give you the best seat in the house. I had to release seemingly sacred ideas and faulty beliefs of myself and what I deserved. I had to believe that our creator’s rewards were not only for the dead but for us, the living. It has been a journey of sacrificing the ideas you once thought were important, even when you are scared.
On my journey, I opened my heart to other possibilities. Initially, I was Sunni, then a Quranist. When I sought someone to pray the Friday prayer with, I found someone who taught me that the word Salah isn’t a prayer. He desperately wanted me to follow his teacher, but I already had a guide, our creator. The struggle to accept that idea led me to Dr. Kashif Khan’s translations, but things took a dramatic turn because I stopped believing that our Creator was a God. What do we do if we don’t worship? Do I even know how to religion without a religion? Is that even possible? The idea of “Islam is not a religion but a way of life” kept coming to my mind. I was in deep water, and walking was no longer working. I was thrashing around and felt like I was drowning.
Identity Crisis on the Flip Side
Then who am I if I’m not a Muslim? I was happy to be a member of a group that spans 1/4 of the world’s population. This became my identity, my story. But these are stories I told myself. This isn’t who I am; it’s what I do or how I limit myself. These are the boundaries I define because, in truth, there aren’t any. The vastness of who we are can be scary. If you are lucky enough to meet your self/soul/core/essence/center or any other synonyms, you will see a giant of a being. I have seen mine.
It is so vast I thought, “This can’t possibly be me.” It is so calm that it makes a Buddhist monk look dramatic. It is so content that desire seems like a foreign concept. It feels a joy that can only come from wonder and appreciation. The most shocking thing was that it was untainted. All the “bad” I had done, all the suffering I had been through, hadn’t changed its purity. The same way a child seems so pure is the same way that my soul, and your soul, was. What was going on? How was it possible? Shouldn’t it carry the scars I carried? It revels in all the good moments of my life as if those moments were a light it basks in. If this is a giant, it is the most gentle giant, with love for all it sees. And I had bound it in a cage of limiting beliefs to protect it. We think, “How can something so pure not be hurt by the world?”
The Limits We Impose On Ourselves
When you know how to swim and a child asks you, “How deep is the pool?” You know one thing. Is it deep enough? It isn’t really necessary if it is 12 feet deep or 50. The problem we are focusing on is like a child wondering where the boundaries are and if they can stand in them. I recently understood that this limitless expanse of who we are was never meant to be limited. Just like pools were never meant to be for walking, yes, you can still get around, but you are not embracing your surroundings, and your movement needs a lot of energy. Not to mention, you are limited in where you can go. We were never meant to adopt a closed mindset. When we close ourselves off in terms of our identity, i.e., religion, country, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation, we gravitate toward those with similar ideas. We are limiting our ability to navigate the world.
Resonance of Truth
When reading Dr. Khan’s work, a part of me knew that what I read was true, but to accept it meant most Muslims wouldn’t accept me as one of theirs. It was a clear break from a connection that didn’t always serve me well. There were good moments, but I can say the same about being an American. Each identity was in the way of understanding myself as an individual. The things I read from Dr. Khan resonated with me, and I soon realized that there were other ideas that I thought were true outside of Islam that his translations agreed with and still others that caused Muslims severe hardship, which were false. The true messages started to have specific properties.
- Eternally True: They are as true today as they were in the past and will be in the future
- For All Mankind: These rules do not apply to select religions, genders, or any other form of dividing people. They apply to all mankind.
Here’s an example (I’m paraphrasing here) from my reflections.
I found the concept surrounding Riba (Interest in Islam) confusing.
How do you buy a house without paying interest? How do you invest if you can’t take interest? Why arent commodities illegal in Islam? The rule was simple
Do not strangle yourself or others with money.
If you need to take an interest-bearing loan and you can afford to pay it without strangling yourself, then do it. If you want to invest in a business for a certain percent of income on the loan, and it won’t strangle the business owners, then go for it. If it starts strangling them, then adjust the terms. If you are buying commodities, you need to be careful. You will not strangle people by holding things like grain while people starve.
I knew when I read Dr. Kashif’s translation that this was the truth. These rules were just within the Quran. I soon began to recognize the truth in daily life. The truth resonated in a way I soon came to recognize. In studying those rules I saw they had some things in common.
I started to question where this was coming from. What if the Quran wasn’t placed in the heart of Muhammad but instead placed into the heart of the Praiseworthy? After all, Muhammad means praiseworthy. The more I thought of this, the more it made sense. If the Quran is the same message to different people, this message will keep getting changed. So God isn’t a God. Way to throw off those who blame, hate, or try to deceive a God. Now, revelation is inside of us? If so, what better form of protection can you have for our Creator’s message? Just like a flash drive with the instructions inside of it. You can’t lose it. Every time people manipulate the message, the jokes are on them. Allah is the best of schemers.
The Soul Untethered
A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon Clark Kegley’s YouTube account. I watched a few videos and subscribed to one. He explained how the center of who we are (in terms of our perception of this world) is a story. Our stories form our identities. Our story determines who we are and how we are perceived. It determines what we say and do. These are boundaries we have agreed to follow on one level or another. These stories limit our souls from swimming in this world, and our sins prevent us from swimming freely through the world. Sins are the negative emotions we hold on to; they can be traumas that prevent us from moving in certain areas or engaging with certain people; they can be resentment or anger that weighs us down even when we are capable of floating. All sins are like radiation; they harm everyone near them without discrimination. You cannot hold on to anger, resentment, trauma, fear, or any other negative emotion without paying the price.
Clark recommends a book that changed his life, and seeing as this video he presented had changed my life, I could only imagine what the book would hold. I listened to it a few days later, and it was undersold. Through an exercise in the book, I came into contact with my core. That is when I learned what I stated above. I realized that my soul was limitless and pure. It was surprising because I didn’t consider myself pure. Despite all the negative things I have done or had done to myself, I was unscathed. This core could not be harmed. I am playing a virtual reality game called Existence, and the character I am using is limiting my abilities. By refusing to let go of pain, identity, or sense of self (identity), the true “me” is limited. It’s following rules meant to protect a being that can’t be harmed by the game it’s playing. The Untethered Soul invites us to release our bad and good emotions. To let experiences pass us by. I had other questions, but those answers would be later.