How I Found My Religion Way of Life: Part 1
When I was about 15 my mother decided she wanted to find her religion. I am not sure if she always believed in God or if she thought it was simply a thing that should be decided was a part of every person’s identity and therefore should be persued.
When she was growing up her mother was Catholic but with a blend of Santaria. When she married my father she converted to Islam because that was a condition of them getting married. When I was younger I remember her taking us to some sort of Islamic study. It was difficult for her because she is the type of woman who is all or nothing. The places she was introduced mostly were led by people who spoke Urdu. She is a Latina woman who speaks fluent English and Spanish.
After my parents divorce she remarried and again tried to find her religions. We tried different flavors or Christianity and some experiences were pretty odd for us, her children. Some were odd to her too. This went on for several years.
When I was about 16 years old we ended up moving to Puerto Rico. She was still exploring to determine what she wanted to practice. I remember going up to the roof one night and seeing the bright full moon on a nearly cloudless sky. The sky is so clear, on an island, that it is a beautiful site to behold. I started thinking “Is there a God?” I mean if there is a God then maybe we should know about it.
I thought about this moon in the sky and how it was this singular heavenly body and, perhaps, God was a singular entity. What would that be like? I am not sure but I do know that if there was more than one God surely we would see inconsistencies with nature. Like gravity would be one rate one day and as another God took power he/she/it would change things and object might fall faster or slower or even float. This didnt seem to be the case. Nature around me seemed to have rules. Rules that were constants. Rules that, since we discovered them, were laws. Aside from that, at the center of our solar system there was one Star that all of the planets revolved around. At the center of the atom there is a singular nucleus that electrons orbit around. Even the cosmic bodies within our galaxy revolve around a center. There was way too much structure for coincidence. If there was ever more than one God that didn’t really matter because now I knew, at that moment, that there is only one. A God of order. If there as One God of order and rules then he/she/it (I will say He from now on) must like rules therefore there must be rules provided. Perhaps He sent them as religions. What would the rule be about God. Logically it would be that there was one God. The branches of Christianity that I had been introduced to at the time seemed to be saying otherwise. Although it’s claimed a singular God it was divided in 3 parts. There were convoluted rules as to what that meant. Christ was, apparently, God that existed in heaven prior to coming to earth to sacrifice himself because of our original sin. Isn’t this the same God who created everyting from nothing? So to wipe away his sins he had to become a human being, a tiny person on a speck of a planet in the universe, to wipe away sins? It didn’t make sense. What about all the people who sinned before Jesus? Was Moses going to hell cause Jesus didn’t save him? It didn’t seem like it from what I read in the Bible. Who was Jesus praying to? If he was part of God why did he need to pray? We look at Greek Mythology as a myth for many reasons. Multiple Gods don’t make sense to our society and the idea that God would impregnate someone didn’t make sense either, divinely or otherwise. Technically Jesus might be a demi-god. Years later I learned the history of St. Paul and how he changed Christianity to say that, if you didn’t accept Jesus you were doomed to hell. This idea is tied to original sin. A baby isn’t born a sinner we all know this. I mean there are kids that seem evil at times but they often grow up to be great kids. So I decided I was “spiritual” until I would find the right religion, if it existed. The rules for that religion would have to fit what I logically knew. There is one God. He can wipe away your sins without need of help from anyone else. Jesus must have been prophet like Moses. Sure he was born without a father but wasn’t Adam born without a father or mother? Whatever sin we make was our own creation. There are people who are just good people, genuine and kind. Those poeple weren’t the same as people who sinned excessively. I wasn’t sure what the purpose of all of this was. Maybe it was like a story I heard from either Buddism or Hinduism. Where God sends a piece(s) of his soul out without any knowlege of his God-hood and the pieces that are pure and God will be reunited with the whole. I did know the following.
- There is One God, All powerful.
- Jesus was a Prophet or Messenger under God because he prayed to God.
- Religion seemed to come from a series of Prophets and Messengers like Moses and Noah warning us and trying to guide us.
- The message should be essentially the same. People likely changed for monetary or political power.
- Original sin is a myth.
I had bad experiences with Christianity. There seemed to be a lot of trying to “save your soul” by any means necessary. I have heard people trick or lie to other people “for their own good.” That didn’t seem right. I knew that, for me, Christianity wouldn’t work. Although there were a lot of great Christians who seemed to believe in one God and a lot who didn’t force their religion on people still it didn’t fit my rules.
After I graduated from high school I ended up moving back to New York, mostly to spend time with a father I never really knew. My father had recently become spiritual and was following Islam but a blend called Sufism. Basically the idea goes like this. Islam is kind of like high school we all need it as a general level of education but Sufism is the more spiritual aspect it the “higher learning” of Islam. In Sufism you fall under a spiritual guide, as a student, who is from a line of spiritual guides. All the way back to Muhammad and other big Saints. These people are still alive and can communicate with their student. If you pray and you are elevated you can get the ability to perform miracles. So I considered Islam. It started with a Gift that my half-sister gave to me. A book about the Prophet Muhammad. I fell in love with his docile nature and his ability to intermediate between disputing factions. Here seemed a man that was living right. Islam also didn’t have a concept of original sin. There didn’t seem to be a need for Rabis, Priest or Imams to pray to God. My exploration became new rules.
So I started to read the Qur’an. Now this book, although similar to the bible felt like it was written directly from God. Like these were God’s own words. I remember reading passages and in my soul I heard a voice say “This is the Truth” it was awe-inspiring and overwhelming. At times this text was just so dense and hard to read, not because of what it said but because well… there is no other book like it. I will have to do a separate post on this. So… thy seed was planted in my hear to follow this.
Continued here.